On Letting Go
How many times have we heard ourselves or others say some version of, “I’ll show them. I’m going to prove them wrong”
The crazy thing is that no matter what we achieve, while being motivated by this mindset, we will constantly be maintaining the connection to the person who presumably hurt us in some way.
Oddly, we will also feel an innate sense that we achieved what we did because of them as well.
There are many potential pitfalls to this reality but the most damaging one may be when the person we were negatively motivated by dies. You now will have accidentally opened yourself to losing all motivation to continue since it no longer matters what they think of you. Now what? How many years of momentum will you now be struggling to rationalize now as your own?
The truth is it is your own, and always has been, but that is not what your psyche will experience. You run a very substantial risks of experiencing an acute personal or professional identity crisis.
Regardless of whether the negative motivator passes away, or remains on the periphery of your life, generating strength and motivation this way creates a perpetual risk of that internal crisis.
Instead, think long and hard about what your motivators are before you begin. Make sure you know what the root of your goal is prior to launching. For instance, if your goal is to be very wealthy, why? Challenge yourself to get more and more specific….
Example.
Goal: I want to be wealthy
Deeper Goal: I want to live in a big beautiful house, drive a nice car, and have my ex know I made it even through him saying I was worthless.
Deeper Still: I want him to know Im not worthless.
Deeper Still: I want to prove to myself I’s not worthless because since my relationship with my ex, I have believed I was worthless.
Deeper Still: I want to live the live I know in my heart I deserve. Money isn’t everything, peace, happiness and enough money to not worry is actually my goal. I want to achieve that for myself so I feel safe and secure regardless of who I am with.
There it is.
Some people may question themselves and get to the point where what they thought they wanted is actually not important to them at all! That’s GREAT because you will have just saved yourself years, tears and future heartache when you realized you are not living in alignment with what you truly wanted out of life.
No matter where you start, you have to find a deep intrinsic reason to motivate yourself. This is the only way you will have the best possible chance at sustaining the hard work it takes to achieve ambitious goals and, attaining happiness while doing so.
Let go of mean people, hurtful relationships, pain of the past. You don’t need to forgive, nor forget, but do let go. Remember that not letting go is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.